Tuesday, 14 September 2010 00:00

Hotel Room Peeves

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I get the opportunity to travel a lot.  I spend more than my fair share of nights in hotel rooms. I've grown accustomed to staying at the major hotels' "budget brands".  While there are a few that I avoid like the plague, some are actually pretty nice. But with any hotel, no matter how nice it can be, they all have their annoyances.  And when you stay in them for more that the standard "vacation duration" (more than 7 days!), those irritants begin to compound.  So, here is a list of those things that irritate me about hotel rooms.  You probably have some of your own.  These are mine.

  • Headboards:  Headboards are headboards - they don't need to be "hardboards". 
  • Outlets:  What, did they run out of them?  Do they have a allotment per room and that allotment is stuck behind the mattress where no one can get to them?
  • Room rates posted on the door:  Has anyone ever paid this rate?  Forget posting the room rate - give me a really big picture of the evacuation route - preferably one that glows in the dark.
  • Shower fixtures:  It should be a law that all shower fixtures must be the same model, from the same manufacturer.  So no guess work.  You want it hot, turn it left. You want it could, turn it right. You should not have to play Russian roulette with your shower experience.
  • Irons:  One day, I am sure that I'm going to get electrocuted using these things.  How bad of condition do irons have to be in before they're replaced? 
  • Ironing Boards:  Okay, I'm not two feet tall.  I need an ironing board that my pants will fit on.  I also need an ironing board that won't wake up everyone in the hotel when I arrive late and have to prepare for the next day.  Have you heard some of these things?
  • Ironing Board Covers:  Okay, let me get this right - clean linen, clean towels, clean sink, clean carpet.  So, they clean everything in the room, but not the ironing board covers?  These things can get pretty gross.  Add some steam to the mix and you get odors that no human has ever smelled before. 
  • Coffee Pots in the bathroom:  Come on.  Are you kidding me?  Whose idea was that?  Let's put a coffee pot in the same room where toothpaste dribble is flying, pubes are floating, and all kinds of equally nasty and disgusting activities take place before the cleaning of the body occurs?  Really. 
  • Ice Buckets in the bathroom:  See above.
  • Housekeeping:  Do not disturb means "Do not Disturb".  It doesn't mean, "Check with Me to Make Sure I Don't Want to Be Disturbed."
  • Housekeeping II:  When the security latch is on it means I DONT' WANT YOU IN MY ROOM!  Quit trying to force your way through the security latch to see if I want my room cleaned.
  • Housekeeping III:  It's my stuff.  Leave it alone.  Don't throw my newspapers away nor my bottled water!  It's mine.  Oh, and quit going through my clothes.  It's my travel stuff. I leave the good stuff at home. 
  • Housekeeping IV:  8:00am - seriously?  At least give us to 9:00 before you start beating on the doors. 
  • Front Desk:  Quit making the call to the room to make sure everything in the room is okay.  Believe me, if it is not, you'll hear about it. 
  • Heater/Air:  Setting 1.  Hot;  Setting 2. Cold.  Make loud noises all night.  It's okay to keep me up.  I'm not in a hotel room to get any rest.
  • Smoking Rooms:  For those hotels that still allow smoking...SMOKING ROOMS SHOULD BE ON THE TOP FLOOR, NOT THE FIRST.  SMOKE RISES!
  • Nuclear Sausage Patties and Eggs: I don't know where they get these things from.  They look pretty scary and they definitely don't look like they came from pork or from a chicken. 
  • Room Television:  We pay pretty good rates.  Let's get rid of the 1975 Trinitrons. 
  • Complimentary Toothbrushes and other related toiletries:  Okay, when I forget to bring it and you provide a complementary replacement, adding a service charge is not complimentary. Complimentary is FREE.  If you are going to charge me for a small, plastic red toothbrush that even a five year old can't grip, don't bother.  Just point me in the direction of the nearest CVS. 

Of course the list could go on.  But somehow, despite it all, we manage to make it work.  And once annually, we need to get deloused, but it comes with the territory.  Okay, just kidding about the delousing thing.  Most hotels do a wonderful job of accommodating their guests.  And housekeeping departments are made up of some of the hardest working and nicest folk you would ever want to meet.  But every now and then...

Read 833 times Last modified on Sunday, 24 August 2014 16:15
Alonzo A. Heath

I am  a writer and I live in Ohio.  I have authored the content of LonnieHeath.Com for over ten years.   I am  also a regular contributor to Success Central and Successfully Selling.   You can find me on Google+ and Twitter.  Check out my new book, "Seven Days in June" on amazon.com.

 

 

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